


Empire R&D

by knives4cash



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-01-04
Packaged: 2018-05-11 16:10:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5632867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knives4cash/pseuds/knives4cash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here at our glorious Empire we are constantly looking for new and exciting innovations, so long as they don't make us look silly!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Empire R&D

He is in constant pain. He hides it well from those who lack the finesse of the Force, but his trusted staff and Inquisitors know it, even if he hides it well. He finds peace through meditation, disconnecting himself from his burnt body and finding a temporary peace. However, he cannot maintain such a state forever, as much as he might wish, for he runs a galactic empire.

“Enter,” he calmly, firmly requests of his valuable Inquisitor. 

As the daunting doors slide apart, the Seventh Sister, bathed in black and curiously curvy, enters the super villain’s version of an office. Kneeling down in utmost respect, the green-skinned woman recognizes, “Lord Vader. Thank you for having this audience with me.” 

“I sense great excitement in you,” he says, ignoring her formalities. Rising to his robotic feet, he asks, “What have you to report?”

“Nothing dire, My Lord,” she answers, rising to her own feet. “I come to you with an impromptu request of sorts.” 

How odd. Most would never dare to meet him on such causal terms. Perhaps there is method to this apparent madness on the foolish Inquisitor’s part. “I shall listen to this request of yours, but take heed, Inquisitor: my time and patience are valuable commodities, ones which you would do well to avoid _bankrupting._ ” 

“Of course, I understand, My Lord,” she acknowledges quite clearly. “I have had great practice in many lightsaber techniques, and in my time spent training to go out and kill the Ahsoka and the Kanan I’ve come to the conclusion that there is some room for improvement.”

Nodding along, Vader stands firm and motions for her to come closer, his circular desk sliding into the floor and leaving no obstacles in between them. 

“I’ve taken the liberty of preparing a sort of presentation to illustrate my idea,” she begins as she approaches, using one of her drones to act as a tripod on the ground and project her images in between them. “This is a basic lightsaber, much like yours,” she says, motioning to the obvious picture that was projected. “But when you fight another blade, you run the risk of getting your hand cut off.” 

The sister feels the room get just a bit colder. She figures she accidentally touched a nerve. Vader does not care for her reaction. “You are expected to handle yourself in a duel, Inquisitor,” he calmly reminds her. “Avoiding mutilation falls to you, not to the machine.” 

Awkwardly tugging at her collar, the Sister affirms her will and pushes, “Which is why I have an idea to make the machine even better. Observe.” Using a holo-marker, she draws a short, red line orthogonal through the blade. “See?”

Vader considers the inverted cross, not that his universe would know of crucifixion. It had been a long time since he’d been confused. “I do not understand,” he states. 

“Well, it’s a bit obvious,” she laughs as she motions to her new design. “Cut holes in the side of the hilt to make a… well, a sort of guard hilt out of the saber.” 

Vader considers this. That could have saved him a lot of trouble and pain in the past, actually. “This is your grand design?” he asks. 

She smiles and nods. “It will protect me a bit more than a regular saber.” 

Nodding, Vader agrees, “That it would, Inquisitor. But I find your lack of fashion most disturbing.” 

Raising an eyebrow, the Sister wondered, “I beg your pardon, My Lord?” 

Motioning to the hideous picture in front of him, he says, “It destroys the sleek image, the flashy appeal of the saber, Inquisitor. By adding these side-guards the motion of swinging the blade would showcase a most unappealing visual effect. I cannot condone such a fashionable blunder, nor will I fund it. If I were to ever witness a wielder of the force using such an abomination I would be most displeased.” 

He feels a disturbance in the Force, as if some whiny child yet to be born is unhappy with his words.

The woman is frustrated, saddened. She feels her idea is not without merit, but she reminds herself that she deals with a boss who insists on black leather for every occasion. This should have been expected. If only she possessed some sort of mystical power that could detect incoming trouble.

She then curses herself again.

“How embarrassing,” the Grand Inquisitor laughs, revealing himself in the doorway. “Your foolish ideas will please no one, Seven. And besides, I have a better idea!” 

“Join us, Inquisitor,” Vader commands. He expects results this time, and he had better not be disappointed. “Show us what you have in mind.” 

Sauntering in, the Grand Inquisitor produces his visual aid: a piece of cardboard with a black circle, a line drawn from end to end, and two red lines protruding from the circle. “Observe, Lord Vader!” he proudly proclaims. “It spins!”

“Spins?” he and the Sister ask in unison. 

“In its half-moon-mode, it acts like a regular saber. Open it into the full-moon-mode it acts like a double-bladed saber. Press a button, and it spins,” he proudly explains.

No more manual spinning of the blade? And deflecting blaster fire would look so much cooler now. “This is most suitable to our style, Grand Inquisitor,” Vader congratulates him, much to the frustration of the Sister. “I want you to take this idea to the Research and Development ward immediately and have them begin designs for such a saber at once. The entire Inquisitor branch shall use them.” 

Quickly bowing, the Grand Inquisitor acknowledges, “Yes, Lord Vader! Thank you!” 

He is gone as fast as he entered the scene, leaving the Sister and Lord Vader alone once more. The room grows even colder. 

Heart racing, the Sister slowly backs up. She still has so much to live for. “Lord Vader, I apologize for my-” 

“You have failed me yet again, Inquisitor,” he seethes. The temperature drops. She feels her lungs struggle for air. He draws his saber and ignites the blade. 

She wonders why she must die like this. 

“Have a seat, Inquisitor,” he instructs, using the Force to provide one as he pulls down both a projector screen and a projector. Dimming the lights, he starts up his own presentation.

“Force and fashion. Look badass, not bad?” the Sister reads aloud in total confusion as she sits down.

Clearing his throat, Vader uses his saber as a laser pointer. “In the interest of time we shall skip chapter one, although choosing the right colors for your outfit is very important. I suggest you review it on your own time. For now, we shall jump to chapter two,” he informs her.

“Chapter Two. Swing it with class, don’t be an-” the Sister sighs. He hands her a notepad and pen. It is clear to her that she will be here for a while. “Yes, My Lord.”


End file.
